as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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