I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
