Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
