I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
