My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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