my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
40s are totally the cure
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
