There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
