When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
