I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
