I'm lost and stupid without you.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
