How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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