i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
