She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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