Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
