You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
