Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
