I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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