dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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