Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
