they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Come see our sink grown plant.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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