i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If I die, sorry about rent.
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