like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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