i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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