I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
