im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
