awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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