Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
