that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
