Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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