i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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