I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
