I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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