Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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