So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
