I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
