Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
