she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
