U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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