fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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