Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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