He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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