what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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