Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
