Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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