the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
