the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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