Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
