And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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