i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
