David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
